How to stop being insecure and paranoid in a relationship

How To Stop Being Paranoid In Your Relationship

how to stop being insecure and paranoid in a relationship

If so, here are 7 ways on how to stop being insecure. Any time you find yourself feeling insecure about your relationship, tell yourself, “The thing I'm worried about only exists in my head. Stop feeling paranoid over nothing. Feeling insecure is bound to be a part of any new relationship: Insecurities about whether or not someone will like you, whether they'll. Feeling insecure in a relationship can be awful. "Often when we are feeling a bit low in the self-esteem department, we can be paranoid that our Although it's not our partner's responsibility to keep us secure (that's our own.

But after awhile, as I grew emotionally, I began to realize that I wanted and needed the comfort and support of long-term relationships.

how to stop being insecure and paranoid in a relationship

So what did I do, and what can you do if insecurity is damaging your relationships? You need to understand that a good relationship is about sharing ideas and enjoyable moments with another, to help each other grow in healthy ways, both together socially and as individuals.

If someone really does treat you poorly or lies and cheats you out of something, feeling insecure is a natural and reasonable response. Stop trying to read minds.

Most relationship problems and associated social anxieties start with bad communication, which in turn leads to attempted mind reading.

how to stop being insecure and paranoid in a relationship

This process of wondering and trying to guess what someone is thinking is a rapid route to feelings of insecurity and stress. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Give the people in your life the information they need, rather than expecting them to know the unknowable. When you stop trying to read their minds, you really begin to respect their right to privacy.

Everyone deserves the right to think private thoughts.

Overcoming Insecurity in Relationships

Read Getting the Love You Want. Stop looking for perfect relationships. You will end up spending your entire life hopelessly seeking the right lover and the right friends if you expect them to be perfect.

You yourself are imperfect in many ways, and you seek out relationships with people who are imperfect in complementary ways. Stop judging current relationships based on past ones. Think about those times when you passed an unfair judgment on someone merely because they reminded you of someone from your past who treated you poorly.

Sadly, some people pass judgments like these throughout the entire duration of their long-term relationships. Simply because they were once in a relationship with someone who was abusive, dishonest, or who left them, they respond defensively to everyone else who gets close to them, even though these new relationships have been nothing but kind and supportive.

If you carry old bricks from the failed relationships of your past to your present relationships, you will build the same flawed structures that fell apart before. So if you suspect that you have been making unfair comparisons between your present relationships and a negative one from the past, take a moment and consciously reflect on the hurtful qualities of this old, negative relationship, and then think of all the ways your present relationships differ. This small exercise will help you let go of the old bricks and remind you that past pains are not indicative of present possibilities.

Inventing problems in our mind and then believing them is a clear path to self-sabotage. Too often we amuse ourselves with anxious predictions, deceive ourselves with negative thinking, and ultimately live in a state of hallucination about worst-case scenarios.

We overlook everything but the plain, downright, simple, honest truth. When you invent problems in your relationships, your relationships ultimately suffer. Insecurity is often the culprit. Once bitten, twice shy. Part of her knew that her new man was decent, caring, and honest, but the emotional bit of Emma felt that it was "just a matter of time" before things went wrong. Is he going to finish with me? Has he met someone else? If I don't know exactly where he is I get suspicious. He constantly has to reassure me.

What can I do? Insecurity drives people to become too 'clingy' or needy and this creates problems. Feeling insecure in a relationship is natural up to a point, at least until the relationship "settles". Let's look at this in more depth: A security issue When we enter an intimate relationship we can feel very emotionally vulnerable; especially if we have felt let down or hurt in previous relationships.

Will they reject me? Have I done something to upset them? This is just too good to last!

5 Ways to Stop Feeling Insecure in Your Relationships

These are the typical thoughts and feelings of the chronically insecure partner. Being insecure is a whole lot of hard work. So what does it involve? Seeing problems where none exist When we become anxious about anything, we start looking for signs of things 'going wrong' nervous flyers look out for signs that the aircraft is in trouble.

And, of course, we usually find what we're looking for, even if it isn't really there at all. We perform constant monitoring: Why did they say that? Who's this other person they've mentioned? Should I feel threatened? Are they less attentive? Why did they pause after I suggested we meet up? Emma said she had often felt inadequate and "not good enough" to be with her current partner.

She couldn't possibly understand what he could see in her.

how to stop being insecure and paranoid in a relationship

She also told me she had ended many previous relationships because of her insecurity. But we all need the comforts and support that intimacy can bring us. So what can you do if insecurity is blighting your relationships? The insecure flyer will hear the normal mechanism of the air conditioning and twist it within their imagination to signify impending doom via crash and burn. They'll imagine the bored look on an air steward's face to be barely concealed terror because, "He must know something we don't!

They scare themselves by assuming what they imagine represents reality. There are normal 'mechanisms' to any relationship.

There are ebbs and flows and mood changes, moments of intimacy and closeness and comfortable spaces. These ebbs and flows are normal. Wanting to be absolutely close and intimate all the time is like wanting an aeroplane to never make a sound or a movement. Next time you feel insecure, ask yourself what it is you are imagining.

Write it down on paper under, 'Stuff I am making up in my head. Which neatly links to Save 2 Avoid the Certainty Trap Overcoming relationship insecurity is partly about becoming less controlling. This may sound strange, but feeling that: A sign of insecurity in relationships is when the desire for certainty becomes too strong.

Having to know whether your partner really loves you, having to know this or having to know that puts a lot of unnecessary strain and tension into the relationship. The fact is, we all have to live with uncertainty. Insecure people can still feel insecure even when they are told they are loved.