Non Borderlines In Search of Intimacy with Borderlines | MHM
When those with untreated Borderline Personality Disorder try to get close This article examines the borderline push/pull that is a hallmark of . When I was involved in push/pull in a relationship I would literally through my need bring a partner closer. . More relationships than not are also destined to fail. Push-Pull - A chronic pattern of sabotaging and re-establishing closeness in a relationship without appropriate cause or reason. The Emotional. An Idealization- Discard and Push-Pull Cycle- A borderline can idealize you and make you feel like a god and then They can't help but run this cycle in every relationship. NPD and BPD relationships are like yin and yang.
Barbara Greenberga clinical psychologist who treats patients with BPD, explains: Often, this emptiness and intense fear of abandonment are the result of early childhood trauma and the absence of secure, healthy attachments in the vital formative years.
Paradoxically, the overwhelming fear manifests in behaviors that deeply disrupt the relationship and pushes partners away rather than pulls them closer, resulting in a stormy and tumultuous dynamic that typically emerges in the early days of dating. When they are in relationships they get very intensely involved way too quickly. But then what comes along with it, a couple of weeks later, is: Everything is done with passion, but it goes from being very happy and passionate to very disappointed and rageful.
Prior to her diagnosis, her boyfriend, Thomas, used to blame himself for her hot and cold behavior.
Although each person has their own unique experience, these are some common thought patterns people with BPD tend to have: I must be loved by all the important people in my life at all times or else I am worthless.
Nobody cares about me as much as I care about them, so I always lose everyone I care about—despite the desperate things I try to do to stop them from leaving me.
Does your girlfriend suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder? | BH Empowerment Strategies
If someone treats me badly, then I become bad. When I am alone, I become nobody and nothing. Though everyone with BPD is responsible for his or her own behaviour, most deeply regret not only their own pain, but the pain they cause others.
It is not correct to assume that due to the way in which many with BPD treat others, that they have no conscience or remorse or compassion. They can act in ways that are totally opposite to this when triggered to regressed wounded and dissociative past experience, however.
This often creates confusion for those in relationship with borderlines. Self-Forgiveness Self-forgiveness is important for those with BPD so that they can psychologically unhook from the self-sabotaging and self-hating cycle. If we, as non borderlines, are capable of compassion we have an ethical and moral responsibility to understand the person with BPD without sanctioning abusive behaviour.
However this understanding can be a major stumbling block that can hook us into remaining in toxic and unhealthy relationships. As I share in my ebook, Full Circle — Lessons For Non Borderlines it is important to be fully aware of the limitations of the borderline when it comes to age-appropriate inter-personal relating. If necessary, end the relationship. Non borderlines, need to get off the unregulated chaotic emotional roller coaster of borderline emotional dysfunction by unhooking from the things that pull them into it and result in toxic and unhealthy relating for both the non and the borderline.
Does your girlfriend suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder?
Intimacy with most people who have Borderline Personality Disorder until and unless they have significant successful therapeutic intervention is not possible in healthy adult mutual and reciprocal ways. Regardless of how much the non borderline wants and even tries to create change that one hopes will result in some mutual expression of healthy intimacy the reality is that loved ones of those wit BPD cannot rescue them or change them to be who they thought they were or who they wish and may still hope one day they will be again or will become.
Borderlines struggle with abandonment fear that causes them to often regress to the role of the child in intimate relationships. They are quick to jump into the relationship, idealize the partner and subsequently devalue them.
Borderlines BPDs tend to gravitate towards NPDs and vice versa due to the unique characteristics of their personality. BPDs act as the ever overflowing well of emotions and NPDs act as the bottomless pit of the emotional well.
At the beginning they find each other perfect for each other but at the end the inevitable cycle of idealization, devaluation and discard follows. BPDs generally make poor choices in terms of life partners and get stuck in abusive relationships. They know the harm they can cause to themselves and to the others.
10 Ways to Identify a Person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
Imagine a scale from 1 to Normal people usually have the emotional stability at 5 and seldom touch 1 or BPDs on the other hand keep fluctuating from 1 to 10 throughout the day multiple times. They can go from being happy to sad and then from excited to angry in a matter of minutes.
One moment you are the love of their life and next moment you are a curse. For this reason it is like walking on egg shells around them, you never know which action or words can trigger them. Rage- You never want to go close to a raging BPD. It is like a volcanic eruption of emotions and abuse. When a BPD rages they become completely unreasonable and are incapable of thinking or making a rational decision.
They can get violent and cause physical harm to themselves and the others with the probability of self harm being higher. To alleviate the emotional pain they take extreme steps and one of them is self harm. In their head the physical pain will get them the relief from the emotional pain they are feeling. You might notice the scars on their hands or other body parts as the sign of self harm and mutilation.