Gregg Wallace (I) - News - IMDb
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She faints and then he catches her and then they jive. I swear, the storylines in porn make more sense and have more realistic motivation than they do in this show. Although at times I wish she would. Len follows by saying that he spotted the Riverdance reference in the dance, but that was the problem — Jennifer was dancing as though she was in an actual river. Do you think he misses Bruce? Maybe he feels isolated now that he knows that everyone around him grew up in houses with electricity?
He does realise the dances he does at the start of the show are on tape forever now? VT Time now and if you needed reminding then this picture should tell you that Thom Evans is a third-rate male model and amateur pornographer. He also says that he was ecstatic to be partnered with Iveta. She needs to be wearing a baseball cap and dungarees at the very least.
She goes on to have the following amazing exchange with Thom: She is so going to carry this partnership I can just tell. Such a people person. And when TESS is uninterested in the hunky sportsman du jour, then you know things have gone a bit pear-shaped. She can take a bit of knocking about. Craig goes on to say that he thinks Thom let Iveta down by overbalancing her at one point, had poor hand shaping, bad elbows and crap thumbs, and was trying to produce rise and fall through his knees rather than his feet.
But other than that he loved it. Darcey closes by telling him to be less safe and to get his tits out. Up to Claud 9 now, where Claudia asks Iveta if she feels like Thom let her down.
I bet she turns up dressed just like that as well. Scores are in 23 LOL one fewer than she got for her first dance with Mark Benton A quick recap later and …I guess Iveta had to take that score out on somebody. Time heals all wounds. Get your stopwatches ready for next week… VT time, and Tess tells us that Sunetra is most at home in the emergency department. Is she a bit of a weekend drinker? The VT evidence would seem to support this, as she takes a whacking great stumble forwards during her walk to camera.
Normally seconded from the psych ward. Sad in the sense that I would think I had that level of casting knowledge about this show I mean? Brendan for his part really really really tries to sell thinking this is the right partnership for him. Oh and also of Sunetra falling flat on her arse and staying there. The over-theming ultimately results in Brendan having to choreograph I think the worst Strictly end-pose of all time.
And one of the photoshoots on that was to pose in a giant bowl of Greek salad. Darcey follows by saying that she agrees with Craig, and Len closes by saying that there was more right with that whole routine than wrong with it. Bonus Points to Jennifer roaring her head off at the back. They say that every series. Well at least she made me laugh once this episode. He tells us that he will be juggling his Strictly commitments with having to film the new series of Masterchef.
Please, please let him last long enough that Aliona gets to go on a set visit and pig herself senseless on fine dining and champagne and then not turn up for training ever again. Speaking of the lady: Indeed, given that Aliona spent all of last year sunning herself on Florida golf courses thanks to her cast-iron contract to come back at short notice, she has heard quite enough of this sort of humour, and tells Gregg to knock it off and do the dance.
Gregg then asks her if he can film her feet so he can watch the tape at home. In fairness, Gregg does film himself training as well and sends it to Aliona, for fairness sake. She actually choreographs in a bit where he goes to take her hand and she waves him away to the other side of the floor. I think his dentures might be about to fall out. Len follows by saying that it was all a bit dainty and over-rehearsed and lacking in flair for him. If you say so Len. Oh, Aliona will make sure of that.
How is it done? Gregg sticks his face in it. Sadly for their training, Frankie is on the verge of falling asleep the whole time. Presumably he means her energy not…a Saturdays dance routine. Darcey starts for the judges, saying that that routine was a major hit, and she got a beautiful feeling the whole way through the dance. Although that may just have been the aftershocks of her Greggasm. Whatever that means — it sounds like something Daily Mail would print over a shot of Karen Hauer looking a bit pissy.
Bruno also is particularly pleased with how Frankie gave meaning to every gesture of the routine. He says that he loves it when people give him the full extension. Kevin then puts in a quick plug for the Saturdays Greatest Hits album is that allowed? They actually probably could now that Bruce has gone and taken his broom for chasing off pop band members with him. Because he was in the band Blue. Yes, because when I think of the most ginger movers on Strictly…I think boxers.
Anyway, all that gym work has left Simon confident that he will have no problems lifting Kristina. This is what happens when you give the celebs freedom Kristina.
That's certainly one way of putting it. Janette is pleased because she thinks Jake has already got dem loose hips going on. Maybe that's why Max's pants won't stay up?
Janette explains to Jake that the tango is a passionate, manly dance unless you're the woman, presumablyand she's created a storyline wherein he comes home and she finds lipstick on his collar.
She suggests that he plays it as Max, which I guess is fine for the tango, but is really not going to work as a tactic for the charleston. He seems quite pleased as he points out that Janette seemed genuinely upset by it. Jake hopes that he can stay in character and produce a great tango on the night.
Considering it's a character he's been playing sinceone would hope he can indeed stick with it for the 90 seconds it will take to complete his tango. The staging is a bit reminiscent of Scott Maslen's jive must be a Branning thing with the big glittery door and the adultery, only obviously this time it's a tango, and Jake and Janette are dancing to 'Toxic' by Britney Spears.
It's actually a very good result for a first dance - it's perhaps the tiniest bit skippy, but the technique looks good, the attitude is excellent, and Jake seems to have huge potential. It's nice to see what Janette's capable of now that she's got a competent partner, too. Janette squeals and throws her arms round his neck after they finished and Jake, bless him, asks "are you happy? The audience including Jo Joyner, who may be regretting that "granddad" comment now, and Scott Maslen himself is on its feet as Jake and Janette make their way over to Tess.
Craig declares himself impressed, because Jake had a strong frame and took total control of the routine with his sharp, staccato moves, and declares him "one to watch". Darcey thinks it was "cool", and was shocked by the drama and attack of it. She also praises Janette for how hard she must have worked to get Jake to that standard this quickly.
Len agrees that it was far better than he expected it to be, and that Jake coped well with a lot of choreography. Bruno enthuses that Jake is "a brute", but is looking forward to seeing his softer side as well. Jake and Janette make their way up to Casa Claudia, where Claudia points out that Jake seemed rather surprised by everyone's reaction to his tango. Jake mumbles that he was so focused on the dance that he'd forgotten he was actually going to get critiqued on it afterwards.
Claudia posits that this may in fact have been Craig's first use of the word "impressive" in 12 series, and Janette agrees that she's never heard it. Janette, who only joined last year and was partnered with an irritant with no rhythm. I've missed you so. Janette adds that Jake is the best student any dancer could ask for. Jake waves to his kids, Buster and Amber, and tells them "Daddy'll be home soon", and I'm fairly certain I just heard ovaries melting all across the nation.
I've never ever understood the appeal of Max Branning in any context give me Mick Carter any daybut Jake Wood seems utterly delightful. The fourth couple of the night is Judy and Anton. Claudia's voiceover in Judy's VT refers to her hilariously as a "sporting matriarch" that's certainly the nicest way I can think of to say "you're chiefly famous because a Wimbledon champ came out of your foof 27 years ago".
Judy recalls the red carpet launch, and how surreal it was when they were all hiding behind a giant glitterball. She admits to being terrified of falling on the steps, because "I'm a tracksuit and trainers kind of girl".
She wanted a partner with "patience, a sense of humour and a six-pack - so two out of three ain't bad". Judy and Anton are getting on well: I think that was meant to say "13 years". Judy points out that the others are calling them "Sir Anton and Lady Judy".
I'm suddenly disappointed that none of last year's VTs revealed what Fiona was calling Susanna behind the scenes, because I'm sure it was very colourful. Anton goes to Scotland to train with Judy, and they're dancing the waltz to 'Mull Of Kintyre', because Anton is nothing if not a panderer. I hate Mull of Kintyre with a rage that could burn a thousand suns. I hate it more than I hate every other terible song in the world fused together and played on a loop for eternity.
I've never been a fan of Anton but I doubt I'll ever forgive him for putting me through that. Still love Judy though, obvs. I'm really not sure that Andy Murray's political affiliations have that much bearing on the voting patterns of your average Strictly Come Dancing voter anyway.
In training, Judy admits that she's not particularly graceful or rhythmical, but she's having a great time nonetheless. During the week, it's Judy's birthday and Anton brings her a cake in the shape of a tennis racquet. So yes, they are waltzing and Anton is in a kilt and it's all very terrifying, which might be why Judy looks so nervous. She actually starts off reasonably well, and her footwork looks good in places, but she's concentrating so hard that her face has gone all rictusy, and you can see her lips moving faintly as she counts the steps.
There's also a point halfway through where her posture just seems to collapse. But on the other hand: So it's sort of a mixed bag, really. Not dreadful, but not especially encouraging either. You're no fun, Darcey. Instead she leads us down this particular circumlocutious cul-de-sac of patronising piffle: It was a bit edgy for me. And it's so, as Anton says, to control that rise and fall is hard, and to come out on that dancefloor for the first time is not easy, I don't think people realise how nervous you come, so I think when you come out next week you're going to show us what you really can do, okay?
I can feel the nerves and you shook a little bit all the way through. In Anton's Latin, no less. To be fair, all the judges say something similar to that, so I'm going to let Darcey off the hook a bit for that one. I don't think anyone ever takes the "you'll be so much better next week! As possibly the only remaining person in the UK who still really likes Heinz Mulligatawny soup, I resent that comment.
He advises her to lift up her diaphragm and get further away from Anton. Sound advice for us all there, I feel. Len then spends a very long time telling us all that the waltz is a "very difficult dance" and, well, see what Pasha said to Caroline about the cha cha cha. That pretty much covers it. Len also seemingly reveals that Judy has the cha cha cha next week.
Strictly Come Dancing 12 – Week 1 Performance (2) | The mighty mighty Monk Seal
Bruno describes it as "a maiden flight into a new sky that got hit by turbulence" and advises her to "land safely and try again next week". Craig says he was on the edge of his seat throughout, because he felt like Anton was dragging Judy around a little bit.
He says that Judy's arms out of hold need serious attention, her posture is appalling, and her head needs to be a lot more to the left, but well done for trying anyway. Anton tells Judy not to listen to anything that Craig says, because it's not like she's going to be here long enough to bother trying to improve.
Up in Casa Claudia, our hostess tells Judy that they loved the routine up there and Judy hoots "I'm glad someone did! Judy tells Claudia that she was a bit nervous, but she did really enjoy it. Anton adds that he did too, "thank you for asking".
Craig 3, Darcey 4, Len 6, Bruno 5 for a total of Judy declares herself "delighted" with that score, because what else can she do, really? Why, it's Scott and Joanne. Tess crows that they'll be doing their cha cha cha to "a Robbie Williams classic" and already you can just tell this is not going to end well for anybody. In his VT, Scott says that every single thing about appearing on Strictly terrifies him. And that's without having to make small talk with Bruce, so think on that.
Scott reveals that even his boyfriend has never seen him dance, because at parties he's always the one clutching a drink for dear life and being all "nah, I don't want to spill it". Incidentally, how nice to have a gay contestant on the show whose sexuality manifests in the form of him casually talking about his boyfriend rather than having his partner dress him up in primary colours and making him erupt out of a seashell or whatever.
Not that I have anything against camp, obviously, because I am watching this show in the first place, but if Scott can be a gay man on this show whose sexuality isn't used to either infantilise him or entirely desexualise him, then he's already justified his casting irrespective of whether he can dance or not.
Somewhere, Karen Hauer is watching this all "well, fuck you too, buddy". Joanne says that she was thrilled to get Scott because she got him in a ballroom pose straightaway. Scott says that Joanne is adamant she can teach him to dance, but he's not convinced. To training, and much like Caroline, Scott isn't at all convinced by his pro telling him that the cha cha cha is one of the easiest dances to learn.
Though as we'll discover in a minute, that's pretty much where the similarities end between Scott and Caroline. Joanne tells him that he's getting the steps right, but he's basically walking like a gorilla.
Looking cosy! Thom Evans and Iveta Lukosiute get stuck in to Strictly rehearsals
Joanne is very excited because Scott is actually mates with Robbie Williams and, to prove it, [Joanne's super-gurn makes me think we may have another Karen Hardy on our hands - Rad] Scott gets a message from Robbie during rehearsals. I much prefer drunken, incoherent X Factor Robbie. Joanne asks Scott if he's going to wear the tiger underpants on the night and Scott is all "you know I don't actually have those, right?
Hmm, maybe I was a bit premature with the whole "gay man not being infantilised by partner" comment. Oy, so where to begin with all of this. Scott's dancing is terrible. I'm genuinely amazed that a DJ can have so little grasp of rhythm.
But however bad Scott's dancing is, Joanne's choreography is worse. She's given him the start pose of putting one hand over his ear which I get is meant to be a DJ with his hands on his earphones, but just makes Scott look like he's got a stiff neck. Things don't improve when they get move - it's all static poses, arm-flinging, gyrating and very few steps that are actually recognisable as a cha cha cha. I think a big part of the problem is that so much of it is out of hold, and I just don't think Scott's ready for that yet - Joanne might have done well to keep the two of them closer together throughout the routine so she could keep him in place, rather than constantly sending Scott off on his own to flail in confusion.
It's all so strange because I don't doubt Joanne's credentials as a dancer at all, so I'm wondering what went so wrong here: Bruno tells Scott that he had the "club vibe" going, in the sense that you might see someone dancing like that at 2am off their face on pills.
Bruno thinks Scott needs to work on his rhythm and timing. Craig tells Scott that a zimmer frame has more movement than that - it was stompy and he was lifting his knees like he was having a tantrum. Darcey liked the "cheeky connection" between the two of them, and thinks that it might have worked better in a nightclub than in a ballroom, but she liked how hard Scott worked at selling it. Scott is 40 years old. Scott is relieved that it's all over.
Claudia reminds Scott that his boyfriend Brad is in the audience and has never seen him dance before. Scott suggests that that is "probably for the best". Craig 2, Darcey 4, Len 5, Bruno 4 for a total of She really is so good at her job. Finishing the evening, it's Pixie and Trent. Pixie's VT tells us that she's used to topping the charts, but then her last single peaked at number so she panicked and signed up for Strictly. Pixie tells us that she's used to performing to large crowds, but only in the context of being a singer doing the singing, so this is a very different ballgame and she's hoping Trent will help her adjust.
Claudia's comment from the launch show about them looking like twins is brought up, and they both giggle that it's true, and that they'll have a brother-sister relationship. Kudos to Natasha R on Twitter for suggesting the specific brother and sister in question: At least that's their routine for Movie Week sorted, right? Trent tells us that Pixie is very busy with her pop career and London Fashion Week.
Yes, I can see how the latter would be far more important than rehearsing to perform in front of millions of people on national television in the hope of endearing yourself to them so that they'll vote for you in subsequent weeks. We start with Trent sat in the studio all by himself, waiting for Pixie to arrive. He has a sort of laid-back enthusiasm that I find very sweet.
I think I'm going to like Trent. He seems like a really good fit for this show -Rad] Trent tells us that their first routine will be a jive, and the theme is that he's a photographer and she's a model at a fashion shoot.
Pixie takes Trent with her to Fashion Week to get a feel for the occasion and Trent gives an adorably awkward interview about how he's watching all the photographers and trying to get a sense of the angles they shoot from. It's like he's been having nightmares about Craig telling him that the routine was excellent and Pixie danced it perfectly, but Trent just wasn't believable as a photographer so the best he can give them is a six. Pixie can sell a performance and the two of them have great chemistry together.
Things go a bit wrong in the first full kick-and-flicks section: Pixie's very heavy-footed in it and doesn't generate a lot of bounce, and I think she actually goes wrong somewhere because she ends up just sort of kicking wildly by the end of it. So she's perhaps not the total ringer many of us assumed she would be, but there's clearly a lot of natural talent in there, so I think Pixie will be around for a while.
The routine ends with her pulling all the film out of Trent's camera and holding it up to the light, at which point the creative director runs in and screams at her that she's just completely destroyed all the negatives and thousands of pounds of studio time. Tess calls Pixie "little lady".
Pixie Lott is Bruno calls her "tricksy Pixie" and says that the routine was like "Lolita does the jive". Let's move on from that comment immediately before any of us get dragged into Operation Yewtree.